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Thursday May 23, 2013
Good Morning
How do you get a grandparent to understand that the parents of the child have the final say in matters regarding children? Especially in matters that affect their well being. Specifically about the child (a baby) being exposed to second-hand smoke. And what to do when they disregard the parents wishes? <Br> <Br>My father-in-law smokes excessively (you smell like smoke even if he isnt’ there) so we limit our visits to quick ones but they are welcome to visit ANYTIME! My mother-in-law doesn’t smoke and doesn’t like it but still wants our daughter to be there with her. My husband agrees with me but has trouble saying anything to them and if he does he still doesn’t enforce it. We do enforce the issue with everyone else (my family included).I think that it’s wonderful that you refuse to subject your daughter to second-hand smoke. I wish more parents took this action. <Br> <Br>Many parents, however, don’t want to "offend" the smoking grandparent. Instead, they choose to endanger their children’s health over social graces. <Br> <Br>There are numerous medical studies that prove the dangers of second-hand smoke, and these dangers are much more pronounced in babies, infants, and toddlers, whose lungs have not fully developed. Second hand smoke also affects those with allergies, asthma, and other medical conditions more than those who don’t have these conditions. To a child with one of these medical conditions, being exposed to second-hand smoke can be especially severe. <Br> <Br>What I would suggest is that you and your husband finalize whatever rules you may want to have regarding your daughter’s exposure to second-hand smoke, and stick to them - no exceptions. If the rule is that she can’t be in a smoker’s home at all, that’s your rule. <Br> <Br>Once you and your husband have agreed upon the rules, tell them to any and all concerned parties (including your in-laws). And then, don’t violate your rules. <Br> <Br>When informing others of your rules, please try to not make it confrontational (you might refer to it as "our decision" instead of "rules"). Find common ground - specially the welfare of your daughter. Even most smokers will likely agree that it’s probably not in their granddaughter’s best interest to jeopardize her health by forcing her to be in a place where she would be subjected to second-hand smoke. <Br> <Br>If your decision results in the grandmother not being able to have her granddaughter over, than she’ll need to come to your house (or perhaps the house of another relative). <Br> <Br>As you know, it’s important that your husband support you 100% after you’ve reached an agreement. I’m not sure how it would be best to convey your decision to your in-laws - perhaps you might talk with your mother-in-law if you have a good relationship with her. Focus the conversation on the open invitation to visit you anytime they wish to see your daughter. Ask them to understand that your decision is not about keeping your granddaughter from visiting with them, it’s about her health, and you hope that they can appreciate your decision. <Br> <Br>Good luck! <Br> <Br>Ask Nana is written by the staff of 55-Alive! <Br>© 55-Alive! LLC 2007
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